Logic and Romance

I try very hard to be logical. It is an obsession of mine. I sometimes say that I was born to be a programmer because I like to think I have a logical mind (and because I’m pretentious), but I sometimes think that perhaps I am logical because I am a programmer. I was always good at logic and rational thought (or so those aptitude tests my guidance counsellor made me do would have me believe), but I didn’t have a tendency to try and debug the universe until I had started Java programming in college.

I insist on a logical representation of the universe because I like to believe that absolutely everything, including human emotions, can ultimately (very, very ultimately) be broken down to a logical representation (it seems self-evident if you accept that there is no such thing as a soul and that humans are merely a collection of atoms interacting with each other as a relatively closed system). Of course, this is not a very practical way of viewing the universe and I think it alienates people to a certain extent, but I can’t say it bothers me too much. I’m not really a machine, nor am I the stereotypical nerd who is incapable of human interaction. I do have some emotions (my mother says I’m very empathetic!) and I think I am capable of emotional insight when called on (this aspect of my personality has been known to surprise some of my more female friends). But it bothers me that people aren’t more logical.

In particular, interactions between men and women have too much to do with reproduction and genetic replication. If I meet a girl I like at a party, I want to get to know her better. I want to take her out somewhere and have fun with her, then I want to go somewhere and relax in her company and talk about grandiose things (because I’m pretentious). I want to understand and be understood (if this is starting to sound a bit gay at this stage, just bear with me). I don’t want to just bring her back to my place and impregnate her so that my genes will be passed on to another generation (although I am prepared to concede that I am attracted to certain body types for that reason, at a subconscious, instinctive level). If we accept that most meaningful relationships between modern humans in the western world are not solely vehicles for survival of the species (or selfish genetic replication if you believe certain geneticists) then it seems silly to insist on courtship rituals that are based on millennia of evolution. The male of the species must still prove his dominance. He must prove he has something that separates him from the rest of the herd and that makes his genes more desirable. This is meaningless in modern society. It is especially meaningless when you consider that some people claim to have hacked the system and that they can falsify all the requirements for creating attraction in women (and, whether or not you believe in their methods, they do have some very compelling results which can’t be explained as statistical flukes). In fact, falsify is a harsh word. They are not necessarily making themselves out to be something they are not, they are merely presenting themselves in an appropriate fashion.

My point here is that “the spark” and the “butterflies in the stomach” can be synthesised (consider how many people fall in love with actors based on the qualities they display as characters in films). That’s a pretty impressive claim, I think, but these things are instinctive responses to certain stimuli and so they can be achieved by providing the right conditions. This is a powerful notion. It means that anybody can successfully seduce anyone else if they know how to trigger the correct emotional response (this is obviously an exaggeration, but there is a significant element of truth to it). It actually raises a lot of ethical questions, but I won’t get into them at this point, especially as the question of double standards and sexism will rear its ugly head.

If we are not reproducing because our instincts tell us to and, even if we were, we know we can’t trust our instincts, the entire system breaks down. I can’t speak for anybody else, but when I look for a girlfriend I look for somebody who is compatible with my personality, who is intelligent (ideally, more intelligent than me) and who is kind and generous. Incredible beauty, perfect body and fabulous wealth are all desirable, but largely optional, extras… If somebody could guarantee me that a woman I had never met fulfilled these requirements, I wouldn’t hesitate to go out with her and see for myself (I think normal people call this a blind date, except that there is less lying involved in my hypothetical example).

So my logical approach to the universe tells me that the correct way to approach seduction should be to locate a potential partner, approach her and find out what her requirements are in a partner. If I meet these requirements, I should present some sort of indication that I do (perhaps some sort of curriculum amorae) and then explain my requirements to her. When we are both satisfied that there is a potential match, we can then decide to take the relationship further until such a time as it is discovered that one of us does not entirely meet the requirements, at which time the relationship will be terminated, for practical reasons.

Of course, this is not really the way seduction works (and I am not seriously advocating such an extreme approach either). If I walked up to a pretty girl in a bar and presented her with my CV, she would quickly find a way to ditch me. But this is a pity because I’m sure that a lot of people who are not skilled in the art of seduction (or who refuse to play the game) still have a lot to offer (or so Hollywood would have us believe).

The most interesting thing is that my logical approach to seduction actually essentially how it is performed. The male approaches the female and demonstrates certain qualities that are known to be attractive to females (“Hi. I’m a handsome, wealthy, successful, self-made entrepreneur with a fantastic sense of humour. This is my puppy Cuddles. He was a present from my mother. I’m also a volunteer fireman.”). If successful, the female reciprocates by acting in a way calculated to attract the male (“I am a poor, defenceless female and I need a big strong manly presence in my life to make me feel complete. I also love sports and beer and don’t really buy into that relationship crap and nagging nonsense. In fact, I have had quite a lot of beers and feel justified in taking you back to my place for a marathon session of rumpy-pumpy. But first, let me rock out to this killer guitar solo.”). Once this exchange is complete, they both retire to somewhere private (or possibly not, whatever they’re into) and reproduce. (This might have become a tad facetious at this stage…)

So until the world comes round to my way of thinking I will have to continue doing the same old mating dance that every other idiot out there is doing. But I want it to be known that I find it degrading and I do so under silent protest.